Sports 4 Good

So far it’s 2-1 to American sports. I think they could be improved by relegation, but they get bonus points for being engineered to preclude the decades of dominance endured by most fans in English football, and college sports are fantastic.

But here’s the equaliser (still resisting that “zee”): Internationals.

During the English football season, there is a break in the Premiership fixture list every couple of months for internationals. Sometimes friendly matches, but more often than not, qualifiers for the World Cup or the European Championships. And then every two summers (on the assumption that England qualify, which is admittedly about as safe as the assumption that Parcelforce will deliver an “urgent parcel” within the “guaranteed delivery time”) everyone goes crazy with World Cup fever. The whole country gets behind the national team, the usual English flag-waving reticence rescinds, and young and old alike dream of the prospect of World Cup-winning glory. And then Germany beat us on penalties, or Brazil remind us that they are “still quite good four years later”, and our hopelessly naïve hopes are cruelly crushed by stark realities. But we don’t have a 4th July in England (well OK “Imbecile Test” app on my iPhone, yes we do have a 4th July, but we do not celebrate our independence by eating hot dogs on that date. If anything, we mourn the loss of America’s. And when England “became a country” in 1066 I don’t think anyone was really counting dates. And anyway, if we’re being pedantic then the Norman Conquest was more about “well-armed French people invading Britain”, than a heroic struggle of British self-emancipation – I would say it’s more of an Anti-Independence Day. Maybe that’s why we don’t celebrate it), I don’t know either of the Queen’s birthdays, and the World Cup is about the closest we come to patriotism.

Now, it’s not like these international fixtures are without their pitfalls. And principally I’m referring here to their propensity to draw the underbelly of English society out in their droves – the Gazzas, Bazzas and (in honour of Rooney, King of the Chavs) Wazzas, swigging Carling from tins, and chanting obnoxious profanities through the national anthem of England’s opponents. (Although this jingoistic loutishness should not be seen as being confined to England – when Egypt beat Algeria in a recent football match, a mob of angry Algerians rampaged through the streets of Algiers, vandalising the properties of Egyptian businesses in the city. Gazza, Bazza and Wazza are models of sobriety, decorum and civility by comparison). And there’s also the problem of England’s perennial underachievement on the football pitch. (Although in the spirit of the previous piece on relegation, I suppose I should be grateful for McLaren’s brolly-wielding antics, because when England do finally get their act together, it will make the success even sweeter).

But whatever their drawbacks, these matches give everyone in the country an opportunity to root for the same team.

And I think it’s a “good thing”.

And of course, it’s the same for other countries as well. I was in Malaga when Spain won the European Championships a couple of years ago, and the whole town erupted in the most dramatic and terrifying scenes of celebration I have ever witnessed. (It was also about the only time I have ever known Spanish people to outnumber English people in Malaga, which was a pleasant side-effect). The Norwegians like to join the patriotism party too, as this outstanding diatribe attests.

And it’s not just football. Rugby to a lesser extent, as it is a game alien to the vast majority of English people that are not called Humphrey, Hugo or Hubert. But in the last two Ashes series held in England, in the days and weeks leading up to the final match, the entire country has been gripped by a fervently excited spirit of national unity. When people talk about “atmosphere being electric”, I think it normally sounds trite. But it was absolutely true of London in the late summer of 2005, as Freddie Flintoff raised himself to deified status, and the England cricket team triumphed over the Aussies in thrilling, nail-biting style. I genuinely believe that if Gordon Brown had held the recent election in the immediate aftermath of that Ashes series, the national euphoria would have seen him secure a significantly higher number of votes. Thank goodness he didn’t.

I think it’s a shame that the American people are not given similar opportunities to rally around their national teams.

I think the Olympics comes closest. But it only happens once every 4 years; it’s often more about individual than national achievement – my over-riding memory of Beijing will always be Usain Bolt’s 100m, rather than a British gold medal in a particular and obscure model of sailing boat; and I honestly couldn’t tell you what position Great Britain came in the medals table (whereas I could easily rattle off how they finished in the World Cup going back over the last 20 years). Of course, the US also competes in the football World Cup, but until the current quartet of American sports (am I right to count hockey?) is extended to include “soccer”, Messrs. Donovan and Dempsey will never enjoy the same national support accorded to their English equivalents. (In fact, come to think of it, perhaps that’s why Landon was so irked by Becks’ decision to return to Europe, in the hope of reviving his career with the national team). There are also individual sports like tennis and golf, and there are of course plethore [pretentious sic.] of Star-Spangled Banners unfurled every year at Flushing Meadow and Augusta, but again the protagonists are “Andy Roddick” and “Phil Mickelson”, rather than “The United States”. The Ryder Cup is an obvious exception, and I guess a large part of the country unites behind “Team USA” during this long weekend. But imagine this happening about a sport people really care about.

It’s difficult to see how this can be changed really. The idea of Adrian Peterson, Larry Fitzgerald and Peyton Manning taking on Italy at American Football sounds about as evenly-matched a contest as a debate on “The socio-economic ramifications of globalisation” between Bill Clinton and Miss South Carolina. (Or Bill Clinton and George Bush for that matter). And I think it will be many years before “soccer” is elevated to the same popularity status as “football” or basketball. (And I think there is about as much chance of Americans embracing cricket or rugby as there is of South Carolina flummoxing Clinton with a brilliantly-argued, factually-based argument linking deteriorating economic conditions on the Afghanistan-Pakistan border with the resurgence of fundamentalist Islamic terrorism in the early years of the 21st century). I think basketball and baseball are the best bets. So what about a world cup of each sport, every 4 years, in the month after the season ends?

And I expect this last part is ridiculously over-the-top and complete “baloney”, but you only live once: It is a shame, because I have always known the American people to be incredibly warm, welcoming and friendly, but I think the perception of many people in Europe (and other parts of the world?) is that Americans can be “isolationist” at times. You hear statistics that “70% of Americans do not own a passport” (although I think young Americans’ willingness to experience other cultures is increasing all the time); Bush (and Blair) went to war with Iraq without a UN mandate; and…they play different sports to everyone else. I am sure it will take more than a Basketball World Cup for Jean-Pierre, Gunther and Giuseppe to lay aside their differences with Rod, Todd and Barack, and embrace a “new-found spirit of global brotherhood and partnership”, but it might be a start. (Or Jean-Pierre, Gunther and Giuseppe might be so enraged by the magnitude of the margin of their defeat at the hands of the merciless Kobe and Lebron, that they follow in their Algerian cousins’ footsteps, and brick the windows of every McDonald’s restaurant and Gap store in Paris, Berlin and Rome).

Post script:

OK, since I wrote this article, my highly knowledgeable friend Zack "Mr. Baseball" Turner has pointed out to me that there is, in fact, already a baseball world cup in existence. However:

1. I did not recognise any of the players on any of the rosters - where are the Rodriguez's, the Pujols, the Jeters, the Lincecums?

2. (Perhaps for the above reason) I was in the US during September 2009, when this tournament allegedly took place. But I did not hear one mention of it in the press.

3. A quick search of the BBC website reveals no mention of the 2009 baseball world cup.

Which is to say, I think the point of this blog still stands. The request just changes from "Please start a baseball world cup", to "Please make a baseball cup where big-name stars compete, and that people are aware is happening".